Idiots and Idioms
by arandomshipper
Summary: Justin and Alex hanging out late Friday night. A conversation comes up concerning Justin's buddy. Crack. T for suggestive themes.


Disclaimer: I don't own, I just ship.

 **Idiots And Idioms**

"There you are. I was just picking a movie." Alex said absently as Justin took a seat next to her on the couch, browsing through the Funny Movies section on Netflix. Not finding anything to her taste, she scrolled down to Romantic Comedies. When she paused to examine a few and failed to get any snarky remarks on the ones she chose to look at more closely, she glanced over at her uncharacteristically silent brother. He looked confused. Pensive, he would probably say, but she didn't use words like that. Curiosity won a brief battle with indifference. "What's eating _you_?"

"I just had a really weird conversation with Zeke."

And just like that, her interest died. "Fascinating. Don't tell me more."

"He was acting so strange."

Alex groaned. Regret at opening her mouth was something she was very familiar at this point in her life. "How can you tell the difference? He's always strange!"

"I mean he was acting strange for him!" Justin retorted hotly.

"So, normal then?"

"No!" Justin ran his fingers through his hair with a loud sigh, clearly agitated, which Alex was used to, but this time he wasn't agitated at her, so that was kind of off. "Look, just hear me out. This is really bugging me."

"Fine. But this had better be short."

"It is. It all started when he asked me what I was doing tonight, and I told him."

 **JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA**

 _Zeke was shocked. "Oh, wow. You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend."_

 _"I don't." Justin said in puzzlement._

 _"You don't? But you just said...you said...well, I guess it's true you don't actually have to have a girlfriend for that, but I didn't think you were-" Zeke pulled himself together. "Okay. Cool. So it's like that. Okay. Who with, then?"_

 _"Alex."_

 _"Alex, who?"_

 _Justin sent him a sidelong glance. "Alex, my sister. Who do you think?"_

 _"ALEX?! But, but, but, but that's just wrong!"_

 _"Okay, I know it seems kind of weird, considering how we don't normally get along, but it just sort of...happened one night when we were home alone, and we found out that our tastes are similar enough that we can sort of put up with each other for an hour or two. I mean, as long as I let her call all the shots. And believe it or not, I'm okay with letting her call the shots in that area. It works out pretty well for both of us."_

 _"But Justin, she's your family! Families can't do that!"_

 _Justin's brow furrowed. "Really? I thought it was pretty normal for families to do that. In fact, ours does all the time. At first it was just Alex and I, but one night Max walked in on us and just sort of joined in once he got over the shock, and every once in a while Mom and Dad get in on it, too. Isn't that normal?"_

 _Zeke began to look sick. "Okay. Wow. That's a lot to process. I'm going to need some time to think. You're my buddy, Justin, but this is really hard to swallow. Good, um...good luck tonight, I guess?" He shuddered._

 _"Wait, Zeke! Zeke! What's the matter? What'd I say?" Justin yelled as his friend lurched away like a drunk man._

 **JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA**

"Hm. You're right, that's weird, even for him." Alex said absently, only listening with one ear as she continued to browse, finally settling on a movie. "This one."

"Again? Fine, I guess it's not too bad." They both settled into their favorite spots on the couch as the Netfix logo came and went and the movie began. A sneaking suspicion began crawling into the back of Alex's mind as the opening credits rolled, but she immediately dismissed it. It came right back even stronger. "Can't be. NO ONE is that nerdy, not even Justin." She mumbled under her breath.

"Did you say something?" Justin asked.

The suspicion hardened into a near-certainty. In a sweet voice, Alex said, "Justin, my dear, intelligent, savy, clever, STUPID, IGNORANT, IDIOTIC-"

"Get to the point!"

"Did you, by chance, maybe, possibly tell Zeke that me and you-"

"You and I." Justin interrupted on pure reflex.

"That WE were going to 'Netflix and chill' tonight?"

Justin thought about it. "Maybe. Yeah, I think that's how I put it. I mean, that IS what we're doing. Why?"

Alex groaned. "Justin! 'Netflix and chill' does NOT mean we're going to watch Netflix and chill! It's one of those, whadoyoucallit's, idiot words."

"I think you mean idiom."

"Fine. Whatever. It's an idiom that only an idiot would use wrong. Idiot."

"Well, how was I supposed to know that?" Justin said defensively.

"Because EVERYONE knows that! I'd ask if you live under a rock if I didn't already know where you live. How can you be so dumb? I just hope Zeke doesn't spread around what you told him to anyone else."

"Why? What does it mean?"

She told him.

He spent the next couple hours in the bathroom, puking.


End file.
